I woke up this morning with a smile on my face and a heart full of thanks unto God for His faithfulness over me. So, yesterday, I wrote a little about “taming the tongue” but I’ll love to narrow it down to somewhere very important today. And that is “the words parents speak over the life of their kids while growing up”. It is as important as the future. In fact, it is the future. It is the hope of every parent that their kids would be greater, smarter, intelligent, wiser, stronger, influential, wealthier, knowledgeable, courteous, brave, generous, Loving, better than they were. A parent’s heart is filled with joy when the child he/she once took care of is now in return taking care of him/her. Not the other way round where your kids are all grown up but still live with you, got married and still live with you, you carry the burden of your children and your grandchildren. Though you are happy to see your grandkids and can take of them, it will hurt you that your grown up children can’t fend for themselves, let alone for their kids.
Unfortunately, some of these errors are tied to what transpired between you and your kids while they were growing up. What you said when they did something wrong, what you said when one of them offended you really bad, what you said when one of them broke that favourite glass cup you were given at a friends birthday, what you said when one of them failed mathematics, what you said when he can’t speak fluently at age 7-13, what you said when she couldn’t clear the kitchen properly, what you said when he couldn’t take care of his/her siblings when you were away for a while, what you said when he was beaten by his age mate in school, what you said when she couldn’t use the sanitary pad properly after you showed her once, what you said when he/she still urinates at age 10, what you said when she failed in a quiz, what you said when it seems your neighbours kids are smarter than yours, what you said when they watch tv instead of studying and lastly what you said after that kid in church read that bible verse nicely while your own kid is sitting next to you smiling innocently, not knowing what you’re thinking in your heart.
While all these reasons and more are not the only reason why kids grow up wayward and unfulfilled in life, but they may contribute 95% of why they become successful or end up being an object of shame to you and society……………… Growing up as a kid, I wasn’t a very smart kid then but my mom never and I mean never used words like “Olodo”which means dull; on me. At age 10 i was already done with Primary school but i could not speak simple English. Omg! For real? Yes for real. Don’t be surprised because there were kids who were far older than I was then and could not spell their own names. When my mom found out I couldn’t speak English properly, she enrolled me in a private school where I had to start from Primary 3 and also learned good English speaking skills and spoke fluently . She had every right as my mother to say “What a dull child you are, at your age you can’t speak good English, when will you be brilliant”? If you’re not brilliant now, I wonder when you’ll be. I guess you’re dull already. Oh no, my mom will always use the phrase “My beautiful child, even though I wasn’t a female. She’ll say… boy you’re smarter than half the kids in your class, there’s no kid like you, you are special and unique, just keep trying and you’ll be glad you did”.
Most times, this is not the case In our present generation. We wonder why most kids look dumb and dull during school hours. They’ve being talked down by their parents and they feel worthless because those who were supposed to uphold them and encourage them to be strong are trying to correct them with a method that’s actually helping to kill their ego. Some parents can go to the length of telling their kids they don’t love them, some can domestically abuse their kids, transfer of aggression from work stress on their kids, some can say I regret having you as a child, I wish I had an abortion. If you used such hazardous statements on your child, how do you expect to have a well behaved, intelligence, brave, courageous child? Jesus told His disciples saying “The words I speak unto you are spirit and Life; John 6:63”. If parents understand that they have a role to play in the life of a child by speaking Life into their kids, they will do it with all pleasure because the end result is beneficial to them and glorifies God. “Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up……” Giving birth to children, is primary purpose, building them up with words and with God’s word is secondary and most important.
Children are gifts from God and if you are blessed with 1, 2 or more, its a privilege because it takes having your own child in the first place to having the opportunity to build them up with God’s word and in the Love of the Lord. Parents should speak like David in “psalms 141:3 Set a guard, Oh Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips“. There should be a guard over your mouth against what you speak over the Life of your kids. In some places around the world, we believe our children are our future. In other words if our kids live well tomorrow, we will also live well. In Proverbs 15:28, God’s word declared saying “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked poursout evil things” meaning, as a parent, no matter what your child did to you, you don’t look at the present situation, you look into the future and you think through the word you will speak, if it will build or destroy the future of that child. If you are a true parent who understands the gift of God, you will realize that your words go into the future of that child to create that which you spoke in your moment of pain or joy. But most times, the reverse the case. Parents are so deep in anger over their child that they forget what they say will affect that child negatively or positively, they just unleash the venomous words at that moment, thinking its all over but they just sowed a seed that will germinate in the future of that child.
John 10:10 says “The thief comes only to Steal, Kill and Destroy…….” what this means is that when you as a parent speak evil words against your child, the one who is in charge of Stealing, Killing and Destroying is already lying in wait to carry those words and help you perform them. So, he patiently waits for you to gather all the missile and launch them on your child. And most times he can start performing those words in the child as from that moment you made the statement of doom on him/her or wait till when probably that child is on the edge of a major breakthrough and he release those words you said 15 or 20yrs ago. At that point, you start blaming enemies here and there, you forgot you gave a licence for the destruction of your child some years ago. It is better for parents to be careful with the words they speak and avoid sad stories that touch’s the heart. This reminds me of a story my uncle told me of a bright medical student who gained admission by scholarship to a prestigious UK university. He was at the top of the class and with all calculations will be a first class student at the end. Immediately after their final year exams, while others were celebrating the outing of a 6yrs academic session, this young, brilliant and first class category slump down and was insane. Those standing by grabbed him and off to the hospital and from there to the psychiatric clinic where they tried their best but could not find the reason behind his insanity. They had no other alternative than to return him home to his country. When he got home, his mother was crying bitterly “Oh God, why me? My only son, my enemies have succeeded in ruining my joy”. After much running around, a man of God she took her son to, got a revelation that she’s the cause of her sons illness. But how? When her son was a kid and was pretty stubborn, she always react by saying “You are so stupid, in fact, you will be a fool forever”. But why would a mother say such a word to her only child? Well, it wasn’t intentional.
The moments we are so vulnerable with our words are when we’re excited and when we are angry. King Herod was so excited that he promised to give the little damsel who danced before Him anything even as far to half of his kingdom; that led to the death of John the Baptist. Out of anger Jacob cursed his first born son Reuben; this made his generation to be few………. No parent will intentionally curse his/her child future pains. The thing is, most parents intentions is to help their children see life from a different angle and succeed later but they used the wrong methods and ways to achieve this. The intention is right but the method to achieve it is so wrong.. Some parents go to the extent of abusing their kids physically so much to the point these kids have the picture of a wicked dad or mom who doesn’t care about them let alone love them. Sometimes this physical beaten become so much that the child develops a psychological defense mechanism which helps him/her withstand any kind of punishment you’ll give. They find some kind of peace and expression when either parents are not around but at the sound of dads car, every excitement and fun is dead. I guess the kids sometimes pray for dad or mom not to return at the hour of their fun because they always ruin everything.
Now I’m not saying all the blame is of the parents. I know we have some really naughty and stubborn kids. That’s why every parent need to help the child grow by speaking Life with the mouth, Blessing with the laying of hands and spanking with the rod. Proverbs 22:15 says “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” God’s word never said the hand of correction because the hands are meant for blessing and worship. But whenever the hands are raised over a child, its definitely to spank. This is not Right. Children have to be taught discipline. They are not born with it. And it is a gradual process, its not magical. With time the child will learn how to control his behaviour. Discipline doesn’t have to hurt the parent or the child. While discipline is about teaching a child to control his behaviour, Spanking on the other hand is used to directly control child’s behaviour. Spanking does not work as Discipline. Spanking can make a child afraid to misbehave but probably when you are watching. Whither they get angry when you discipline them is not a problem as long as you’re being fair. Every child do get angry when they are disciplined. But keep your cool, later, allow them talk about their feelings. Letting kids get their feelings out is like removing fried meat from the oil before it gets burnt.
In conclusion, I’ll say, raising kids is a tough job, but as children learn to control their own behaviour, while you pray for them and bless them always, discipline becomes easier all the way. It’s well worth the initial effort as you see your children living responsibly. And you can feel proud that your loving care and through the help of God’s word guided them!