Be Grateful! Don’t Compare Yourself With Others…

She looked from her window as she takes a recording of how Jack was kissing his wife and their only daughter Cindy goodbye to leave for work. She admires it, she loves it, she desires it and above all she compared her husband Johnny to Jack; wishing he was her husband, wishing he would hold her in his arms just for 5 seconds. Well wishes can’t grow a tree. Johnny was a loving husband to Andrea but not as Jack. Things use to be very sweet, loving and yummy when it all started. Johnny never forgot Andrea’s birthday, their anniversary, her appointments and other stuffs she values so much. He takes her out for pleasure twice in a month, they travell to Alaska once every year for the holidays, they visit the Caribbean every 6 months for leisurable moments. In fact, It seems like the Disney movies Aladdin, Rapunzel, Snow white, Lady and the Tramp, The Princess and the Frog, Frozen, Cinderella, Shrek and many more where.. “They lived happily ever after”. It was more than a dream come true for Andrea who just wished and prayed for a good man to marry. But she got more than she wished for. Johnny was far from good. He is Caring, Loving Compassionate, Independent, Respects her, Creates time for her, Surprises her, Has Humour and he’s funny, Honest, Understanding,  Consistent, and God fearing (God Loving). Things started changing when Andrea Jr was born. A cute baby girl that look so much like Andrea. It was a prayer answered as both parents wanted a female for the first child. They both took great care of the baby as they watched her grow into a beautiful damsel just like her mom. 

Two years later, they had their second baby Fred, named after Andreas dad who was so nice to the couple’s before he died few years after their marriage. The child grew to be just like Andrea’s dad; strong, intelligent, smart, God Loving, people loving, helpful and good singer like his father Johnny.  Another two years after, they had their third child Lyn, he’s so calm and sweet. And miraculously after two years again, she got a set of twin, a boy and a girl.The kids were so respectful that they could wish nothing more than Andrea Jr, Fred, Lyn, Jodi and Joni . Always coming home with good reports at the end of every school term. Johnny was still conscious of birthdays,  anniversary,  appointments, and other stuffs. It almost seem like he’s got a 10,000 Terabyte memory to store all various activities, not excluding Andrea who also helps out in making family trips to Alaska, Rio in Brazil, and some other times Sun city in South Africa. While the kids were enjoying the outing, there’s a shifting going on behind the scene. Responsibilities creeped in gradually and so does forgetting things.  Johnny and Andrea tried for a while to balance work and responsibility but there were some lapses they couldn’t cover, like having a hug or kissing before saying goodbyes as usual when leaving for work or having time for conversations.

Main While, Johnny back at work and in his office was viewing from his transparent glass door, his boss with his wife having a lovely conversation  while she gives him a hug. While watching he loved it, he admires it, he needed such memory in his life, he wished he could be his boss for 5 seconds to get that hug and the lovely conversation, above all, he compare his wife Andrea to Mrs Kent; his boss’s wife…………………………………………………… Sad story you’ll say, but there was a reason it wasn’t a happy ending. This maggot-like virus eats must people up. It’s in marriages, its in relationships, its in the church, its in the society, its in individuals. Sometimes it seems like its actually helping but it isnt. Some other times, it feels so right to do it coz  you feel some energy to push yourself to do more or achieve something you placed your heart to do but on the contrary it sucks the energy out of you and leave you miserable with no hope sometimes. 

American President Teddy Roosevelt said “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”. Mark Twain said “Comparison is the death of joy”. Now let’s return to our story above…. Andrea and Johnny have a common and undetected virus called “COMPARISON“. Andrea Comparing her husband and herself who’s got 5 beautiful kids to Jack and his wife who’s just got one child is a problem. Five is greater than one. The things she went through as a mother taking care of 5 children is not an easy task. The journey with 5 kids can not be compared with 1 kid. She also forgot she was once like Cindy’s mom 8yrs ago. And most importantly she forgot she’s got a husband who loves her and kids who are adorable. Johnny on the other end forgot his boss was not in that position by magic. It took years of hardwork and patience to get there and be someone who employs others. He forgot also he’s experienced that with his wife before so it’s no big deal. Most importantly, he’s got a lovely wife and sweet children. Most times, we compare ourselves with others when we forget the very thing that makes us happy and also where we come from. Using others as a benchmark to evaluate ourselves may cause us to undermine the good things we already have. Why focus on how you rank in comparison to others when Life is not a competition but a journey? 

 

We compare almost everything; cars, houses, jobs, shoes, money, relationships, social popularity and so on. At the end of the day, we get a bunch of negative thoughts about ourselves and our lives. Comparison doesn’t make us happier or appreciate life more- it makes us feel horrible about ourselves. And that is heart breaking. You actually diminish your sense of accomplishment and pride  when you compare what you have done to what others did. Sometimes is a parent comparing his introvert child to a neighbours extrovert child, or a mother comparing her daughter to other girls who are married already, while her daughter is still single at 26. A father comparing his eldest son who is slow to doing things and doesn’t show off his abilities to his last child who is very fast in doing things and show off his abilities…. the father make statements like “Why can’t you just be like your younger brother“? The truth is, we are all unique in our own special ways and no two people can act same way; not even identical twins-and this is the beauty of Life. The fact still remains that no matter how smart or talented you are in what you do, you will certainly meet someone who will do that same thing better than you. So, why struggling to be someone else when the person you’re struggling to be like is also struggling in some other ways to be like some other persons and sometimes you? The truth is, you don’t need to be the best because the world is a large place, you just need to be you in what you do. Professionalism is not a crime. Improve on yourself, set goals for yourself, not against someone else.

 We all have an inner drive to want more, to achieve more, to experience more, to become more. And this void gets more apparent when we compare ourselves to others or to our own fanciful ideas of how we should be. Some of the stuffs you compare ourselves to are not authentic to you. You might’ve being forced to believe that they are important by picking them up from magazines, media, social culture, school, or your family systems. You have to define which ones are of real value to you. Come to think of it, if being in a relationship is of value to you then why compare yourself with your single friends that seem to be having a lot of fun? Or the opposite, if being a romantic relationship is not your priority then why compare yourself with someone who is happily married?  If having a kid is not a sweet desire of yours, why compare yourself with those who have kids? If you’re not willing to work for nobody,  why compare yourself with your friends who do? If you’re not willing to go to university, why compare yourself with those who does? Or comparing your looks (height, size, body colour) and other stuffs you don’t have the power to change can be really frustrating. Why use your own hands to create your down fall?

At times, all it takes is a single click to get reminded of the many blessings we take for granted. Instead of looking at those more fortunate or privileged, look at those who have less than you, there’s so much to be thankful for. This can open your heart for gratitude to God and compassion towards others. Because the very thing we think don’t matter to us is the very thing someone out there is praying to have and will be satisfied with. Which ever level you are presently is someone else’s dream to be. So, why then should you compare yourself to others? Believe it or not, someone out there is seriously and carefully looking up to you to live his/her Life. They might not walk up to you and give you this amazing info but that’s just life for you. Appreciate where you are, instead of looking at the lives of others, see the goodness in front of you and inside of you. Appreciate each moment that passes by and be happy where you are now because it won’t last forever. When you find yourself comparing your life to the lives of others, turn and look back to where you’re coming from and appreciate it. Above all, be thankful for the breath of Life given to you by God because only the living can actually compare or be grateful. Be grateful not compare……………..

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